Conversation with Dad

Just had a short chat with my father about my move to NY, asking if possibly my uncle would house me while I apartment and job hunt.

“Do you think I’ll find a job before Christmas? That’s four months…”
“I don’t know…It’s hard to say.”
“Well, I got a job right before Christmas last year, after four months…anyway what would I do here? There are so many more jobs that I could possibly do in NYC…”
“Kids these days…all they want is to do what they like.”
[silence – I’m thinking about how my dad always wanted to be a lawyer but never did, and kind of feeling bad that I am going for and trying to live my dreams while he never did until now, and he’s kinda fiddling and zoning out, looking kind of…regretful, or something I can’t place my finger on…]
“Um, are you ok?”

I just feel like my parents don’t have faith in me to do what I want to do. They didn’t believe that I’d find a job writing (which is why I probably felt like I’d never actually be a writer), until I found two jobs writing (last job and current one), and now that I’m planning on moving halfway across the world to work in the publishing industry (of which there are countless more opportunities for than here, or even just jobs for writing in general) I kind of wanted them to be like “You can do it, who wouldn’t want to hire you?” I mean, I do know I’d be great at what I do, but plunging forth without the additional faith from my parents makes it even more daunting, and then I start to doubt myself.

“Well…I’ll be saving enough money to last for a while, maybe 5 months, including rent if it’s within my budget. If I fail will you save me?”
“Yeah, for one month…by then it’ll be January and if you don’t have a job by then you should just come home.”

God, what if I can’t find a job before Christmas? I don’t want to feel like a complete failure and head home with my tail between my legs and figure out wthell I’m gonna do next – if I can’t find a job in writing or publishing in NYC, there is no way in hell I will find one here that I’ll like.

Sigh. A third of the time the thought of moving jobless terrifies me, while the rest I just try to believe in my abilities and my qualities as an employee, as an asset to any employer, and that I’ll find a job within a reasonable amount of time. Right now that 1/3rd is rearing its ugly head…


4 Responses

  1. You can do it! Who wouldn’t want to hire you?!?

    If you don’t have a job by Christmas, *I* will hire you! 😀

  2. You will have a job. Have no fear. There’s always a way. 🙂 Have faith!

  3. You could always temp or walk dogs or something until what you really want comes along 🙂

  4. Checkout they have tons of job opportunities, freelance work and they even have happy hours so you can network with people in your industry. It will help you to make contacts, find a job and maybe some new friends!

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