Remind me what I’m doing again?

I. Am. Exhausted.

Last night I went to bed about an hour and a half later than I meant to, and I was already tired (got caught up talking to the mama bear and granny on the phone), and then this morning the stupid deli I live above woke me up at 5.30. Again. So I made my second noise complaint to 311 in three days. My eyes were all bleary, my mind drowsy, and I was so tired I felt like I’d been punched in the eyes. Fun!

I guess this is why I don’t normally do much aside from work, my internship, and reading. I still have an entire non-fiction manuscript/proposal to read for tomorrow, and if I’m planning to get to bed by 10, that gives me 3.5 hours to read, eat, shower, and do a little tidying up. Eek.

Plus, this stupid economy is really not helping. I need a normal, 9-5, 5 days a week job, and that simply isn’t happening. Tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary of moving here and look where I am! (Although at least I have my internship – and it’s relevant to what I really want to do!) I better be much better off SOON.

It’s kinda tempting to just give up and go home. I left everyone I love behind when I moved here, and for what? What have I got to show for it, really? Obviously it’s not a lack of qualifications on my part or any of that, but still. Maybe I’d much rather be unemployed, bumming off my parents, and surrounded by the people I love and care so much about, than working my butt off 6 days a week and feeling so drained all the time.

Sigh. Is this what pursuing your dreams looks like? I don’t think I like the look of it!


8 Responses

  1. keep at it. youll be fine!

  2. sadly pursuing our dreams never is easy. i wish I had had 1/2 the ambition/guts (call it what you will) to follow my heart/dreams to NYC. I think you should give yourself @ least a year there before heading back…maybe longer considering the effect the economy is having on everything now.

  3. Oh dear, I feel your pain. I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time. I think it’s times like these that really build you into the person you will become. Even though what I’m about to say makes me want to roll my eyes, I’m going to say it anyway … it’s character building. (Feel free to roll your eyes too. It’s lame, I know. But true)

    I agree, this is a difficult time to be starting out in New York. Try to stick it out and see if some better opportunities don’t come your way. Otherwise you may regret never giving this experience your all, and running home when things got hard.

    I wish I had some connections in your field and could be of some help. But if you ever want a suggestion for a restaurant or great drinks, let me know. Hang in there. You’ll make it!

  4. Tell me about it.

    It has been really difficult. It’s absolute crap, feeling as if the city and industry you love doesn’t love you back. I’m still trying to stick it out for the dreams, though, and it’ll all work out in the end? Or hopefully sooner.

    I’m crossing my fingers for both of us!

  5. great reads! this is my first visit to your blog.

  6. awwww, hopefully it will get better for you =(

  7. Aww, life really does suck sometimes – but you get to where you want to be you’ll appreciate it even more! x

  8. agree! same here..a common sentiment coming from a twenty something, i suppose.. God bless & wish u d best that u truly deserve! keep smiling! 😉

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