Peace at last.

I’ve made my decision. If things don’t happen the way I would like for them to happen within the next two months, I will go home. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve worked harder this year than I ever have, and I gave it my best shot. If by the end of July I still don’t have a ‘real’ job, I’m just going to go home. Not even begrudgingly, but willingly.

I’m done with the stress of living so far away from all my loved ones, without a real job, constantly worrying about money and my future, and just stress in general.

I will keep trying to get a job for the next two months, just as hard as I have been the last 9 months or however long I’ve been here now, but if it doesn’t happen, I’m going to accept it and move on, figure out my next move once I’m home.

Obviously this decision does sadden me a bit, since I do love New York (hence the blog name!), but I love me a little bit more. And I don’t need to continue to live with this stress when I could be back home and not have to immediately worry about my whole life again – at least I’ll have a roof over my head (without my parents shelling out extra money for it), and food to eat, and family to take care of me, and friends to really just relax and enjoy life with. I can then regroup and figure out what I’m going to do next.

I guess part of being an adult is admitting defeat when it happens. Although I haven’t totally done so yet, just having this decision made already relaxes me somewhat, and I’m not so freaked out about the possibility of having to pick up everything (again) and move halfway across the world (again).

IF I move home, and IF I ever decide to move back to NYC, it definitely won’t be until I have enough money to just buy a place so I won’t have to worry about rent. 🙂 Or until I win the lottery (although I suppose I’d have to actually buy lottery tickets first, for that to happen…), or until I get a really huge windfall from some really generous benefactor, whichever comes first. 🙂 And I think I’m ok with that.

I’m not saying goodbye yet, and no matter what happens I still have the summer, so I’m going to make the most of it. 🙂

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4 Responses

  1. I hope you can get a job and stay there. I seriously think NYC is the best place in the world… if only it wasnt´t THAT EXPENSIVE. Just have faith! and if you have to go back home, enjoy it and be happy, you never know what´s going to happen next. I love your blog, I´ll keep following it. Good luck!

  2. Hey Jess!
    Just found your blog and I can relate to it very much. I’m from Brazil, and spent the holidays last year in NYC and since then, can’t stop thinking about moving there!
    I really hope you can get a job and fulfill all your dreams! But if you do go home, be happy and positive about it, you never know what might come your way. You should be very proud of yourself for pursuing your dreams and staying in the city for this long all by yourself. That is a great experience that I can only dream of and I would love to have it, even if it’s for just a few months.
    I wish you the best of luck and dont give up!

  3. Jess – I’ve been a long time reader of your blog (since you were blogging your countdown to move to nyc!) but have rarely left comments. I’d just like to commend you on all that you’ve done. To realize your dream and then to go after it, like you did, by moving half way around the world is no small feat and you should be very proud of yourself. I’d like to commend you even more for making the best decision for yourself. You’re right, sometimes being a part of an adult is realizing when it may be time to take a different path – I won’t call it admit defeat because I hardly think you’ve been defeated.

    I’m sure whatever happens you’ll be a success and at least you will not have to wonder ‘what if.’ That is huge. Most people have a dream or passion and never get the courage to go after it the way you have.

    Kudos to you. I can’t wait to read what happens next in your journey. My fingers are crossed for you.

    k

  4. Hey Jess, what kind of job are you looking for? I’ve lived in NYC for a long time, and could help you network if you are looking for something in the communications/PR/Marketing field…

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